A Random Story of my Trainerhood

Pokemonz!!
Everyone: Oh Arceus no she's going to the PC to train. Crap.
Me: Whut.
Everone: Nothing. Nothing at all.
Me: -withdraws suicune- Imma train Suicune.
Suicune: Yesyesyes I'M FREEEEE
Everyone: o-o
Suicune: YOU HEARD ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY NOTHING.
Crobat: U MAD BRO?
Killerachi: Yay!! A new victim! -creepy laugh-
Me: No Jirachi, you cannot murder another Pokemon. Bad.
Killerachi: Then I want candy or you all meet your demise.
Me: And you cannot murder your Trainer either. o-o
Killerachi: Candy. NOW. Or do you want to end up like GAMESTP, in a bloody pulp like a squished jelly doughnut?
Me: RETURN RETURN RETURN BEFORE IT KILLS MEEE
Everyone: This is why Jirachi is called Killerachi. Better yet, Murderachi. Or Crazirachi.
Killerachi: -inside pokeball- I can hear you, idiots
Me: -reading pokeball application booklet- I think I need a 'Friendship Therapy' app for Jirachi. Ooh! Better yet, flower therapy!
Killerachi: NOOOOOOOO NOT FLOWERS PLEASE NO
Me: -lets Killerachi out of pokeball- Surrender or you get flower therapy.
Killerachi: Uuugh... I surrender, okay? Can I still kill Suicune or have candy? Pleeeeeease? 'n'
Umbreon: -facepaw- Is Killerachi still recovering from the GAMESTP incedent?
Espeon: Unfortunately, yes.
Killerachi: Shut up. -pouts-
Dragonite: What doesn't murder you, you can befriend. But Jirachi, in this stage, is in the 'recovery/maniacal rage' stage. Everyone will have to be on the lookout.
Killerachi: I SAID SHUT UP!
Me: -analizing the situation- Well, Dragonite is right...And NO YOU CANNOT MURDER ANYONE. But I will give you a box of rare candies.
Killerachi: And there are times where you are beond yelling with happiness. That time is now. -dives into box of rare candies-
Me: -reads box- "Candies that are jam-packed full of energy! Even your Pokemon gains a level if they eat them! WARNING!!! DO NOT FEED POKEMON THAT HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY!!!" CRAPCRAPCRAPCRUD.
Killerachi: -still devouring candy- OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
Everyone: I think we better run, Heart.
Me: Me too.
Everyone + Me: RUUUUUUN! -scrambles out of the PokeCenter-

Later...
BOOM!
Me: I think we should go check on him. Right? Right.
Everyone: We're out.
Dragonite: -rubs whiskers- Well, you are risking your life-and possibly your soul to a hyper and insane Jirachi that can blast a beam of light at you at any moment.
Me: Aw, whatever. I'm checking on him to see if he's still alive and I'll run a million miles per hour if he LOOKS hyper...or has killed everyone in the building. Poor people.
Espeon + Umbreon: Suit yourself, foolish girl. -snicker-
Me: Whatever. -runs back to destroyed pokecenter- Jirachi?
Killerachi: -somehow had found a knife and killed everyone- Oh, hi there, Victim Number 17!
Me: Oh my Arceus he murdured everyone. -runs-
Killerachi: WAAAIT! I WAS JUST JOKING!
Me: Of course you were! -keeps running-
Killerachi: And of course you guys ran out of the building while I blew up?
Me: -pause- and weren't you the one that wants to murder everyone and rule the world with an army of minions?
Killerachi: Meh.
Me: We'll head back to uh, wherever they were, and all of us can discuss it. And how the heck did you get a knife? I'm pretty sure they don't just have a stock of murder weapons in a place that heals pokemon...
Killerachi: ..............
Me: -tap tap- You robbed someone then murdered the whole building? Shamey, shamey.
Killerachi: ............Yes.
Me: Wooow, that's the first time you've admitted something in a long time... ever since I RESCUED you... Is this like a trap?
Jirachi: No, but I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me...
Me: So you ate a box of RARE CANDIES, EXPLODED, ROBBED SOMEONE, and KILLED EVERYONE? And now you're good?
Jirachi: -curled up in a ball and levitating- Hnnzzzzzz...
Me: Dagnabbit, he raged for a year and now he's going back into his 1,000 year sleep... GREAT. Jirachi, return! (Well... since I befriended him, he should obey me...) Well, at least he's not killing everyone. Hmm... -gets out pokedex-

Everyone: Hey! You left us behind.
Me: Oh, sorry. I got caught up in conversation and now I'm trying to figure out how to wake the little star pixie thing up... -fiddles with pokedex- Jirachi, go!
Jirachi: -still asleep but comes out of pokeball- Nh...Zzzzzzzz
Pokedex: JIRACHI, THE WISH POKEMON. JIRACHI CAN GRANT A SINGLE WISH EVERY 1000 YEARS. IT WAKES UP FOR A WEEK, WHICH SIGNIFIES THE PASSING OF THE MILLINIUM COMET. JIRACHI WILL WAKE IF IT SENSES TRUST BETWEEN ITS TRAINER OR IF A VOICE OF PURITY SINGS TO IT.
Me: How can I earn trust wit a sleeping Pokemon? Ungh... And sure as heck I can't sing. But maybe... Suicune, go! Use Sing!
Suicune: Laaaaa la laa la laaa...
Jirachi: -uses hyper beam-
Me: The heck...How can he be asleep and attack!?
Suicune: Ungh...
Me: Please, Killer, please trust me...I rescued you...
Jirachi: Nope.
Me: AND HE CAN FREAKING SLEEP TALK. -faceplant into ground- Eh. I give up.
Dragonite: Well, maybe IF one of us can show our strength to him, he'll wake up. I've heard a team of Pokemon have done that before. Rescue team, maybe? Explorers?
Suicune: Oww...I certainly can't do that...
Umbreon: MEEEEE ME ME MEEEE PICK ME
Espeon: No, ME!!!
Umbreon: SHUT UP ITS GOING TO BE ME!
Dragonite: Idiots...
Killerachi: -teleports-
Everyone: And who DIDN'T know he'd teleport...
Umbreon: Chicken!
Espeon: Bokbokbok!
Feraligatr: I can defeat him! :D -picks up Jirachi and throws into tree-
Jirachi: >:C -uses doom desire-
Feraligatr: OH MY ARCEUS IM GOING TO DIE. -blows up-
Jirachi: -teleports again-
Umbreon: IMA DEFEAT YOU -uses dark pulse and confuse ray at the same time-
Espeon: -facepaw- Umbreon...
Jirachi: -becomes invisible-
Umbreon: D: NOOOO I WAS SO CLOSE! -pouts- Hey where'd you g-GHHAAAH!
Killerachi: -uses hyper beam on umbreon-
Espeon: I'd prefer to stay out of this...But Jirachi is being a buttface and he is asleep at the same time. Hmmmm...I'll need to use Telekinesis.
Giratina: -in distortion world- The wimps need help again, eh? Oh well, I'm still their friend, but a trickster...Probably having problems with Jirachi? Oh? I was right? Yaaaay! Anyway.... -telipathically transfers shadow force power-
Espeon: -telepathically speaking with Giratina- Okay, thanks. SHADOW FO-
Jirachi: -another hyper beam- *yawn*
Me: Oh my Arceus. I guess that's 3 down, 2 to go... eep. Or... Return, you little brat!
Jirachi: BUTBUTBUT -returns-
Me: Evil. Evilrachi. Very Evilrachi. I'll have to go to the only option...Arceus. Go, Arceus! Go, Jirachi!
Arceus: YOU HAVE DISAPOINTED ME, KILLERACHI. YOU MUST OBEY YOUR TRAINER. SHE LOVES AND TRUSTS YOU. NOW FACE MY WRATH! -uses judgement-
Me: -found a random box of popcorn and cheering- GO ARCEUS!
Jirachi: gulp...I WANT TO LIVE -uses wish- Wait I can't grant my own wish... CRUDMUFFINS -uses doom desire-
Attacks: -collides-
BOOM!
Me: Arceus, Return! Jirachi, return!
Everyone: That was... uh, violent.
Feraligatr: And I'm still shocked from being hit by a doom desire attack from the little buttface...
Me: Eh. They'll heal. They didn't faint but sustained serious damage, both of their health points are very low. Everyone, yeah, Jirachi's a buttface, but he's just traumatized from...the incedent.
Espeon and Umbreon: Says you...
Dragonite: Everybody, she's right. Wouldn't you be enraged if a trainer abused you? I think he's just trying to cheer himself up by being mischevious.
Everyone: ...I guess so...
Suicune: I think Dragonite's right...
Espeon: That may be so...but still...
Umbreon: ....... I have yet to decide...
Feraligatr: Well, imagine your friends. When you're down, do they try to cheer you up? Jirachi doesn't really have any supporters because all anyone knows is him being evil and enraged, so he tried to cheer himself up. He was being smart, yet, as always destructive.
Me: Dragonite and Feraligatr's right. I just don't think he knows what being 'destructive' is. We all need to know our limits. Let's go to... another Pokecenter since the other one is, well...yeah.
Everyone: YEAH!
THE NEXT DAY
Me: I despise mornings...
Arceus: I AM STILL SORE FROM THE PREVIOUS DAY'S BATTLE. BUT WE NEED TO PULL THROUGH AND ENDURE THE PAIN... WE WILL RECOVER. SO WILL THE BUTTFACE.
Jirachi: Hey! I'm not a maniac anymore!
Espeon and Umbreon: -snicker-
Jirachi: Humph! -pouts-
Me: Well, he's still bossy and childish as before.
Jirachi: As are you.
Me: Jirachi, don't push it.
Jirachi: Then we call a truce...temporarily. And I am NOT childish. Nor bossy... -still trying to be difficult-
Arceus: ...JIRACHI. DO YOU SERIOUSLY WANT TO BE DIFFICULT? REMEMBER THE CONCEQUENCES OF THAT.
Jirachi: Gwaaaah! Eeep! -hides-
Everyone: HAHAHAHA!
Jirachi: Ungh... I-I'm not scared! Like flowers can hurt me..! Eep...
Arceus: LET US ALL POKE FUN OF JIRACHI! HAHA!
Me: Guys, you may drive him to..return to his previous stage.
Jirachi: Yeah! What she said! -tries to act tough-
Me: (But it's still cute that he's trying to act tough...heehee!)
Jirachi: I can read your mind, dumbo.
Me: Jirachi, don't be difficult.
Jirachi: Hmf...
Arceus: VERY WELL. AS HEART SAID, WE SHALL HAVE A TRUCE.
Dragonite: For a truce of peace...and for the well-being of the buttface!
Jirachi: THAT IS IT! WRAAAAAA! -tackles Dragonite's nose and bites it-
Dragonite: Owww! That is my nose! I command you to get off my muzzle! Now! -thrashes-
Jirachi: Grrr! Iwrll esh er nols! (Grrr! I'll eat your nose!) -clings-
Dragonite: Owwwwwww! He's biting harder! I think he actually will eat my nose! Gaaah! Get this wreched demon off my nose!
Me: Dragonite! Jirachi! Stop fighting! We had a truce!
Jirachi: Dragonite started it!
Dragonite: He's the one that nearly tore a piece of my nose off...
Everyone: Oooookay, then...
Me: Well, I need to process this in my mind. First of all, Jirachi is still being hotheaded. And Dragonite needs to not be so self centered. They got in a fight, Jirachi bit Dragonite's nose, Dragonite flailed, and Jirachi threatened to eat his nose. Hmm. And now it's partially settled.
Dragonite: I'm not self centered!
Jirachi: And I'm not hotheaded! Well, maybe a little, but everyone kept calling me a buttface, so I took my anger out on Dragonite. Besides, he's the one that called me a buttface the last...
Dragonite: (Buttface...)
Jirachi: -tries to ignore it- I can read your mind, thank you very much.
Dragonite: Why should I care? My nose is still sore!
Jirachi: Hmf.
Arceus: I HEREBY MAKE THIS TRUCE OFFICIAL. IN THE NAME OF ACTUAL PEACE!
Jirachi: Peace talk, much?
Everyone: -glares at Jirachi- Yes
Jirachi: This is boring. Very boring. I'm out, se-
Dragonite: You're staying here, punk. -pulls back Jirachi-
Jirachi: Meep...
Dragonite: >:C
Me: Okay, stop with the staring contest. It's a truce. Although you are now rivals, I'm still going to leave you independent if you can try and get along. If not, Chatot will have to guard you...
Everyone: NO. NOT CHATOT.
Jirachi: NOOOOOOO -hides-
Dragonite: Erk....
Me: Or maybe Darkrai, or better yet, Arceus!
Jirachi and Dragonite: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT ARCEUS
Arceus: HMF... I WOULD RATHER NOT BOTHER WITH THEM...
Me: Okay. Darkrai it is, then.
Everone: GASP
Darkrai: Kekeke...Someone called? Mehehe...
Jirachi: -flips out- HELP MEEEEE DARKRAIS GONNA KILL MEEEEE
Dragonite: Hey, Dusky.
Darkrai: Hey bro. What's up with Killer? -stares awkwardly at Jirachi- Is he like, having a seizure?
Dragonite: He always acts like this when someone new comes along, he's never met you. But we called you because Jirachi almost bit a chunk of my nose off.
Jirachi: -pauses then resumes flipping out-
Darkrai: Did something hit him on the head when he was little or such? -still staring awkwardly at Jirachi-
Dragonite: GAMESTP made him crazy and enraged, he's still recovering. He's still got a quarter or so of it in his system. Just ignore him. He'll stop.
Darkrai: It's hard to when he's yelling and running around in circles...
Me: Darkrai, you'll have to get used to it. Sorry.
Darkrai: Hi little guy, how a- OW HE BIT MY FINGER
Jirachi: GRRRRRRR
Me: JIRACHI STOP BITING EVERYONE
Jirachi: Jirachi won't obey! It hurt itself in its confusion!
Me: -facepalm-
Jirachi: I LIKE BITING THOUGH
Me: THEN HAVE SOME GUM YOU PSYCO -throws a pack of gum at Jirachi-
Jirachi: -lets go of darkrais finger and shreds the pack of gum- >:3
Me: You chew on it, not shred it! >:C
Jirachi: It's either Darkie's finger or letting me shred gum.
Darkrai: -glares at Jirachi- Do you want me to guard you or not? -narrows eyes-
Jirachi: Meep...
Darkrai: Hmf!
Jirachi: Hmf!
Everyone: o-o
Me: -sigh-
Treecko: Meep
Me: !
Treecko: -is on the ceiling of cabin- Meep
Me: OMA ITS SO AWESOME AND CUTEEEE
Treecko: Meep -stares at me-
Me: ... IMMA CATCH YOU -throws an ultraball at it-
Treecko: ! -gets sucked into pokeball and struggles-
Me: .......... OMA I CAUGT IT!!! -raves-
Dragonite: What the heck is so exciting about a stupid little gecko?
Everyone: ..?
Jirachi: -stares at the little treecko- Holy crud its smaller than me. I'm supposed to be the cutest! >:C -rages-
Darkrai: Ahem. -taps Jirachi on shoulder-
Jirachi: -turns around slowly- Oh hi there. -runs-
Crobat: -hanging on ceiling- Well, it is cute... And, if I do say so myself, it'll be at mach speed, better than ME, maybe, when it evolves into Grovlye. But I'm still the shiny one! The ORIGINAL shiny! >:D
Suicune: Hey, I'm shiny too!
Me: -still raving about treecko- IT ISH ADORABLEEEE -squee-
Everyone: o-o
Jirachi: Oh, and nobody paid any attention to ME when I got chased off by D...D-Darkrai? -shudders-
Darkrai: Hello there....Kekekeke.....Muahahahahaha! -tries to freak out Jirachi-
Jirachi: MEEEEEEEEP -hides under couch-
Treecko: Meep. (I can talk but I'ma be cute first :D)
Everyone: Meep.
Me: Oh noooo everyone's got the meeps!
Everyone: Hahaha!
Jirachi: Is he gone? -still under couch-
Darkrai: Nope... Mehehehe..!
Jirachi: HUJN BHUIJN BH -runs out of wall-
Me: JIRACHI USE THE DOOR NEXT TIME!!
Darkrai: Wow, that is fun! I lke scaring the guy! :D
Arceus: NICELY DONE, DARKRAI.
Darkrai: Thank you very much!
Treecko: Meep.
Me: -immediately shifts attention from Jirachi to Treecko- Awwww you're sooo cute! -gives rare candy-
Treecko: -LEVEL UP- Meep.
Jirachi: I WANT ONE TOO -kicks treecko out of the way and puppy eyes-
Me: Y U KICK TREECKO!?
Jirachi: BECAUSE I WANT A RARE CANDY! -all caps rage-
Treecko: MEEP. -dun dun duuuun-
Everyone: GASP
Treecko: -uses brick break on Jirachi-
Jirachi: -falls into two pieces-
Treecko: MEEP -Treecko used MEAN LOOK!-
Me: NOOOOOOOOO BAD TREECKO
Jirachi: ................ -randomly comes back together- YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME TREECKO -uses hyper beam-
Me: -looks at Arceus- You revived him and are controlling him? EPIC MULTITASK.
Arceus: HM? AH, YES. QUITE SIMPLE.
Treecko: Gwaaaaaaaaaaah! -faints-
Arceus: FOR I AM THE CREATOR. THE CREATOR OF POKEMON! -fully heals Jirachi-
Jirachi: For some reason I feel like I was just chopped in two...
Me: -facepalm- That's because you were. You died and Arceus revived you. Treecko killed you, you killed treecko, or, I should say, Arceus killed Treecko because he revived and controlled you. End of story. Got it?
Jirachi: I lost you at that's.
Me: -faceplant-
Darkrai: -hiding in shadows- Boo!
Jirachi: AAAAAAAH! -makes a second hole in wall-
Darkrai: Hehehe! I love doing that!
Jirachi: -some time later comes back- H-hey, Darkrai! I'm gonna battle you! Be prepared! I want t-to show you my strength...and face up to my fears!
Darkrai: Oh? What's with the sudden courage? -unsheathes claws- Sure, I'll battle! Kekekeke!
Jirachi: Ready? Y-you won't be expecting this!
Darkrai: Ready.
Me: (Awww, Jirachi's facing up to his fears! That's so sweet! But Darkrai may be able to put him in a nightmare...I better have Awakenings ready...)
Arceus: JIRACHI WAS THINKING IT OVER AND DEVISED A STRATEGY. AFTER ALL, I AM THE ALL-SEEING GOD OF POKEMON! DARKRAI SHOULD BE READY..!
Jirachi: -uses hyper beam-
Darkrai: Scccch! -counters with shadow claw-
Jirachi: Gwah! -shakes it off- Hmf! -uses u-turn-
Darkrai: Aaagh! Well, you certainly pinpointed my weaknesses...but you can't be expecting this one! -uses dark void-
Jirachi: Gweh...getting...tired...no...darkness...comsuming me... -falls asleep-
Darkrai: Wheh-heh-heh! Sleep tight..! -uses nightmare-
Jirachi: You don't...zzzzz...know I can.....attack in my sleep! -uses hyper beam- Gwaaah! No! Not ghost-types! Gengar, misdreavus, haunter, and...G-ghost type Arceus!? No! Not anymore! G-g-giratina!?! -locked in a nightmare-
Darkrai: This is bad...My health is getting low...I need to push on! Focus Blast!
Me: Jirachi! Remember the fail-safe attack!
Jirachi: Doom.....Desire.......Zzzzzzz.......-uses doomdesire-
Darkrai: Schhhhhaaaaa! -faints- N...Nice job! Good work....I'm pretty hard to defeat... Ugh...-crawls to me to get healed-
Jirachi: I-I defeated him? I really did? Truly? WAHAHAHAHA I RULE! -awesome-
Me: -uses max potion on darkrai- Yes, you truly defeated him. Fair and square. -throws a sitrus berry at Jirachi-
Jirachi: -noms on sitrus berry- Wow, that was amazing. Truly.
Arceus: YOU BOTH DID VERY WELL. KUDOS TO BOTH OF YOU.
Me: -meanwhile listening to mp3 player- ARCEUS YOUR BATTLE THEME IS SO EPICCCC!
Arceus: WHY THANK YOU. I, FOR ONE, THINK IT IS CURIOUS AND SLIGHTLY MORBID.
Me: -hooks up mp3 player to speakers- Listen, guys.
Dun dun dun,dun dun dundundundun dun dun dun dun dundundundundundadada
Arceus: ARCEUS suddenly hugged you!
Me: Stop..hugging...me...can't breathe... Ghhhh...
Arceus: OOPS.
Darkrai: -faceshadowclaw-
Jirachi: Say what now.
Suicune and Crobat: -STILL arguing-
Me: -almost dead on the floor-
Arceus: UHHHHH..?-pokes me-
Darkrai: Uh oh....
Jirachi: Aaaagh I don't know what to doooo -running around in circles and eventually runs into the couch and passes out-
Feraligatr: Heart? -kicks me gently-
Me: I'm fine...just a bit...injured... -left arm is crushed- >_< And Feraligatr dun kick me
Feraligatr: SHE'S ALIVE! :DDDDD
Me: If NinjaDude would've hugged me...Yeesh...I'd be cut in half...
Scyther: -jumps through window- WAHAHAHA THE MASTER OF NINJAS, NINJADUDE, IS HERE! >:D
Me: Please don't hug or poke me...I'm already hurt from Arceus hugging me...
Scyther: Why? -pokes gently-
Me: GWAAAAH DONT YOU SEE WHY? -stab wound in belly- Your scythes-as-arms aka killing machines...They're all sharp and killer-ish. Owwww...I don't think a bandaid is going to fix me up...
Scyther: ......Oops. Yeah. I see now. -winces and wipes blood off scythes-
Jirachi: -regains conciousness- What the heck happened to you?! I'll go ge- -spots scyther- YOUUUUU! D:< -bites scyther's wing- GNARLALRL
Scyther: Gwaaaah! -knocks off Jirachi- How uncouth of you!
Jirachi: GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.........-lunges again-
Scyther: -dodges attack- I didn't harm your trainer. I only poked her, thank you very much. -scoff-
Jirachi: Grrrrrrrrlrrrrrlrrrrggggg..... -looks at me then at scyther-
Me: He didn't mean to do anything. It would be best if you go get me some medical bandages.
Scyther: And some medical swab things...Oh! And a towel for my scythes. I can still see the blood on them...
JirachI: Hgrrrrrr.... -walks away and brings back swabs and bandages-
To be continued for the time being ;3
© 2012 Amanda
ZombieGryphoness (#180)
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